I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
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