AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize