can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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