He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
