Ambien. No doubt about it.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
