I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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