I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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