This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
