the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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