Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
