So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
