seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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