Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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