Umm I'm too high to move.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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