So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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