Sorry, I don't speak sober.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
His hands were made for my vagina.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
