jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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