This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
