Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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