Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
