i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
