He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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