im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
