I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
