I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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