i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
