please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
