I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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