so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
