Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He told me they were just razor bumps!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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