At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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