He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
