What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
