its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
