I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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