Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry rosebud88 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(586): View more from Michigan

In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.

Fav 2 1778 908
share tweet
(608): View more from Wisconsin

Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."

(1-608): View more from Wisconsin

At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.

(608): View more from Wisconsin

Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.

Fav 66 5007 1604
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(908): View more from New Jersey

Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.

Fav 6 974 615
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(201): View more from New Jersey

I am mentally ready for anal.

Fav 0 82 32
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(314): View more from Missouri

So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?

Fav 0 30 46
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT