I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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