You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
