if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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