After last night, I could never be a politician.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
