Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize