Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
