im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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