JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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