Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
