I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
