I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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