she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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