i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
