when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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