i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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