She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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