Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i believe in u and ur pee
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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