He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
