Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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