i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
