I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Enjoy the penises
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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