the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
