I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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