I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Fuck appropriateness.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
