Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
