youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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