And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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