i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize