one two three fourrrrnication!
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
