i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
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