Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
