We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
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